| Thank you, HR, for this gem. |
[16 Nov 2009|02:09pm] |
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" Has your idea of the perfect romantic partner changed with age? Do you think we can teach ourselves to desire partners who are better for us or are we constrained by the laws of attraction? "
To the first question? God, yes. If I can speak frankly...as a teenager and young adult, my idea of the perfect girl was "anyone that put out." I wasn't very selective, I won't lie. As long as she wasn't mean, didn't have a unibrow, and if she did have a unibrow, as long as she agreed not to tell anyone I slept with her, I was down. That sounds awful, but it's true. And trust me, it's true for a lot of guys, if not all of them.
Of course, with time, I became a little more selective and actually placed some value on traits that weren't appearance based. In college, I really had a thing for "city girls", as opposed to the farm raised, church going, sweethearts I was accustomed to. They were exciting, most of the time they were a little mean and bitchy, which I was attracted to, and sometimes they were a little more sexually liberated...which also worked in my favor. I mean it's sweet and cute to find out a girl is "waiting for marriage" but...how can you marry a guy if you don't know what he's working with? What if you're disappointed on your wedding night then you're stuck with him? Bad idea all around.
In conclusion, I don't think we can teach ourselves to be attracted to a better partner for us, because most of the time...we don't even know who we are or what we want ourselves. So, how can you expect to find that in someone else? Without changing again 5 years down the road? I don't know about anyone else, but my idea of the 'prefect girl for me' changes each time I date someone, every time I watch anything with Dr. Drew in it, and every day that I'm single. So, I've definitely let go of looking for 'perfect'.
Love and life are just trial and error. Eventually we may or may not meet someone we don't hate totally and we'll want to change for them, not despite them.
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